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Alaric owns a store specializing in gear for vampire hunters.

To: alaric@garlicisforlosers.com
From: buffysmonster@slayercentral.org

To the WANKER who sold a certain brooding hulk the ugliest piece of crap jewelry in pretty much the history of ever: I am extremely dissatisfied with your service. I would like to return the Champion Maker 3000 as defective. Not only did this item cause me to SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST thereby ruining the single most romantic moment of my UNLIFE, I had to look like bloody Elizabeth Taylor after a Silpada party! And THEN when I thought I had set the Automatic Return-To-Unlife Location for "wherever Buffy Summers is, preferably when she is naked" I end up in the Great Forehead's office as a BLOODY GHOST. I demand that you refund me the purchase price of this item, the bloody poofter doesn't need the money what with him being head of Evil Incorporated now. And I fancy one of those rings. You know, the one that damonluvselena@mysticfalls.net was raving about. Keeps you undead, even in the sun? Had one of those once. Anyways, Buffy said I was to be polite and not threaten to have Red put a spell on you so you "kill people in your sleep". You can send the ring to:

William The Bloody
c/o Slayer Central
Great Hulking Castle With Sheep
Scotland

P.S. Heard a rumor that Klaus "The Original" was headed your way. He's bad news. Steals your women and eats your hot wings.

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Tara wonders where she fits in. Let’s start with Giles, she thinks, he’s definitely the Mother Hen (Father Rooster?). Caring but slightly exasperated with his chicks as they tumble about through the world. She sees his awkward love for Buffy although he takes great care to hide it. Tara wonders what it would feel like to be so loved. Next is Dawn, The Innocent, gawky and unsure of herself but so desperate to be grown up, to be taken seriously. Be a child, Tara thinks, just for a little while longer, too many moments are passing you by and you’ll never get them back. Anya, next to Dawn, an Old Soul if ever Tara saw one. She wears her humanity on the outside, like she’s trying on a beautiful dress but it doesn’t fit quite right. Xander, Tara thinks, is The Fool, except not quite, hidden depths, that one. He’s the glue, the sticky, messy part that holds this little group together. And there’s Spike, sulking in the corner, scuffing his boots, trying to be The Big Bad. But every so often Tara will see a glimmer of hope flit across his face, hope that maybe he is a part of this rag-tag bunch too. Buffy is The Leader, she’s the backbone, keeping The Mission. There are cracks, Tara sees them, in Buffy’s carefully built façade. She’s tired of wearing the heavy mantel of Slayerhood, of the responsibility she carries for all of them. Tara finally turns her gaze to Willow. She wonders for a moment, to be honest? to be true? Willow is The Dangerous One. So much power, so little control, too much desire, not enough boundaries. Tara can see the possibilities inside Willow, she wishes Willow could see them too. And now, Tara, how about you? What’s your story? Maybe, I’m The Thread, she thinks. The one who links everyone together, who draws them close and binds them to one another. But what happens when the thread breaks? She can hear it snap. She can see Willow, hear her pleading. But Tara can’t answer, can’t move, she closes her eyes. And lets everything unravel.


Title taken from Stephen Sondheim's Into The Woods. Rooster, Innocent, Old Soul, Fool, Big Bad, Leader and Thread borrowed from Joss, The Creator.
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Waiting.
Fangs itch.
Heartbeat.
Blood pumping.
Restless.
Close.
Stay still.
Watching.
Furious.
Righteous.
Delicious.

"Hello, cutie."


Title from Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods. The Whedon Gang owns everything else.





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THERE ARE GIANTS IN THE SKY

"Oh, god" thought Buffy as she ran through the streets dodging screaming Sunnydale residents. "This is worse than Olaf the Troll! He better have a good explanation or I am so staking his ass."
Reaching Restfield Cemetary, she stormed up to Spike's crypt and flung open the door only to stop in total shock. On every surface, pouring out of the sarcophagi, littering the floor, were golden eggs.
"Buffy! What... what are you doing here?"
"Spike, there better be a damn good reason this time."
"Aww, c'mon pet, at least they're not Suvolte eggs. I learned my lesson right proper, I did."
"Where did you get them?"
"Well, about that...." Spike sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "What do you know about giants?"


Title borrowed from Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods. Buffy and Spike borrowed from that guy who lets us play with his toys. Golden eggs borrowed from Willy Wonka.
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“BUT IT ISN’T MY FAULT, I WAS GIVEN THOSE BEANS!”

Buffy slogged up the back steps, shrugging out of her work shirt. She was so looking forward to shower-y goodness. Dropping her crumpled Doublemeat bag on the kitchen counter, she toed her shoes off and headed for the stairs. She was halfway up before she noticed the beanstalk. Growing. In her living room. Must be Tuesday.

“DAWN!!”

Silence.

“Dawn??”

More silence.

Crap. Definitely Tuesday.

Title taken from Stephen Sondheim's Into the Woods. Buffy taken by Spike, oh, no, wait, that's another kind of fanfiction. Buffy taken from Joss and his friends. Beanstalk taken from the Jolly Green Giant.
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Sitting on my desk is a new book. Taunting me... nyah nyah... you have to work two more hours before you can delve in...
And I realized it's been a long time since I've had the pleasure of a really good read. I worked at a Major Retail Bookstore for many years and am so used to being aware of the literary world. Not that I don't read anymore but "Max's Worm Cake" sorta loses its appeal after the first twenty times. And when was the last time I was excited about reading something?? Hmmm... maybe An Echo In the Bone? And that was two years ago. I need a Great Book. One that I can disappear in.  So hard to find in these You Like Twilight Here Are 1500 Other Titles That Are Exactly The Same times. Please, authors, have an original thought, plot, character. Here are some of my faves, I'd love to hear yours.

1. Diana Gabaldon - The Outlander Series
2. Margaret George - Henry the Eighth
3. Sarah Addison Allen - Garden Spells
4. George R.R. Martin - A Song of Ice and Fire Series
5. Gabrielle Zevin - Elsewhere
6. Patrick Rothfuss - The Kingkiller Chronicle
7. Mo Willems - Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus
8. Connie Willis - To Say Nothing of the Dog

 
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I've got a confession. I'm a lurker. Have been since last summer. Today I'm taking the plunge and posting something *cheers*. I've read, well, more like devoured, Spuffy fics of every shape and size. It's an addiction that I'll happily keep feeding... anyone need a beta?? I realize that's rather presumptuous but it's out there and I'm sticking with it!

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